Apply the Truth to Doubt

ME

I am going to start with a personal story. 

You might not know but one of the beautiful things about discernment and formation to become a Deacon is that you don’t choose to be a Deacon! I even needed permission from my wife to apply!

While you may initiate the process by applying to become a Deacon, the formation team, spiritual director and ultimately Bishop Taylor are the ones to accept you in the program, And then each year they decide if you can continue or not.

Ultimately it is not about academic achievement in the studies, theological depth, grades, weaknesses, strengths or how hard you have worked. No matter how much you want to be ordained a Deacon, it is not only about what you want, it is about God’s will manifested through Bishop Taylor’s decision. And let me tell you, this is a big relief ! Because I don’t want that to be just my idea!

In May of 2021 I received a letter from Bishop Taylor accepting me in the last year of formation. Despite this, the days after receiving the letter I found myself doubting that Jesus really chose me.

A few days after the opening of the letter I participated in the ordination mass of our five new priests. It was a high point for me to experience the presence of the Lord. The Lord was present everywhere: in the five young men about to be ordained, in the people coming from all the corners of Arkansas, in all the clergy and religious groups present for this celebration. They all wanted to be there, to celebrate; and the presence of the Lord was something I could see, smell, touch - I confess that I was moved to tears during this ordination mass. The feeling of joy to be in the right place, of belonging, of wanting to be part of this family was overwhelming.

In the middle of these high emotions something happened. A voice came in my mind - you are not worthy to be part of this - to become a deacon. They are worthy, not you.

YOU

Have you ever had a voice like this in your mind?

Whose voice do you think this is? I will give you a hint it is not God!

This is the voice of the Tempter. The voice of the Devil. The voice of Satan.

GOD

This is the same type of temptation that Jesus experienced in the desert. You might say, but obviously Jesus was able to resist that, he is our Lord, he is God! While this is true, our faith tells us that Jesus is both fully human and fully divine and these two natures are completely separated, they don’t affect each other. So Jesus is not a “superhuman” he is just like me and you, made of flesh.

We are tempted because the Devil is real, his influence on us is real, as we can see in this passage from Matthew where the Devil tries to divert Jesus from God’s path. The devil tries to appeal to us in the same way he did with Jesus. 

He tempts with a desire for comfort and pleasure from food, our desire of recognition, and our desire for greatness and power.

Temptation is an invitation to disobey God’s law, to divert us from God’s path. You and I will experience temptation, we should not be surprised or troubled by that. Let me be clear - it is not a sin to be tempted. We actually grow in our love for God in this battle against sin by showing him we love him and we give him glory. 

Know that temptation is not sin! Jesus was tempted but he did not sin.

God created human beings to be “good”, not to be perfect like him. We carry in us God’s image and likeness in his goodness, not in his perfection. 

The goal of the Christian life is to become like Jesus. In other words it means that  we have to attain perfection in our life by overcoming temptation. It is in this battle of overcoming temptation that we grow in unity with Jesus. And we call this our path to salvation.

Temptations are strong for us. The temptations we experience are even stronger than the one that Adam and Eve experienced - before their original sin. Because of this, God had to enter in our world by becoming man to show us how to do it. 

God became human so we can become one with God and be saved. Salvation is becoming like Jesus.

Through the stories in the gospel we see that Jesus helped the people he met by changing their heart. The gospel passage today was written by one of them - Matthew. Jesus uprooted the sinful and wounded nature of Matthew like a plow. The same can be said for Peter, Paul, Mary Magdalene and many others.

We have to be open to let God work inside us to change our desires, friendships, how we spend our time and money. It is not just about doing the right thing like going to mass, or praying in the adoration chapel. It is a matter of letting God change our hearts.

It is an interior transformation that brings to light the image of God inside us that has been tarnished by sin. Because it is impossible for us not to sin we need to remain open to his Word and Spirit to transform us. 

The Divine Word illuminates the mind with Truth and the Holy Spirit moves the will towards the things of God. 

YOU

Do you ever feel diverted away from God’s path?

I know I was when that voice came in my mind “you are not worthy to become a deacon”. When I talked to my spiritual director about this he reminded me to apply the truth to doubt. In this case the truth was that Jesus through the apostolic succession given to Bishop Antony Taylor accepted me to the last year of formation. The devil loves confusion, turmoil and doubts. God loves clarity of mind, truth and peace of heart.

Jesus was able to discern that the temptations he experienced in the desert for the comfort of food, and being recognized for his greatness and power was the spirit of the Devil. And he applied the truth of the Father each time to reject it. 

There is nothing wrong with enjoying food and pleasure, or using the power we have under God’s guidance or to be recognized for our acts. Things go astray when they become our first priority. 

We know our priorities are mixed up when we do not experience lasting joy, peace, clarity of mind, true longing for God. Rather we experience doubts, turmoil, confusion, anxiety.

US

Lent is a beautiful time where the life in the church guides us towards purification of our heart, of our desires, how we spend our money and time.

In a few minutes we will open our mouths to receive Jesus, to be a part of our being. Ask him for the grace to remain open to his Truth in time of temptation and say “Get away Satan”.